Yes, you read that right.  Next year I will homeschooling the girl I am tutoring one-on-one at the Christian school this year.  She will be living with us during the school year.  Her grandparents are also going to give us parental rights, so we are kinda sorta adopting her. 

Anyway, that's beside the point I'm trying to make here.

The point I'm trying to make is that we will be homeschooling her, but I can't say that I'm super excited about it.  I know God wants us to do this for her, so it's not that I doubt or question His calling.  It's that the idea of homeschooling is so far from what I thought I'd be doing right now.  And, the stereotypical homeschool family isn't something I care to emulate (no offense to any homeschoolers intended.)  Most homeschool families I know aren't like the stereotype, but it's still in my head. 

But, I've also realized that God doesn't ask me to always be excited about what He calls me to do.  He asks for my heart, and He's got it.  And He asks for willingness to do His will, and He's got that, too.  I think about Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, and how He was pleading with God to "let this cup pass from me."  Jesus isn't stupid; dying by crucifixion isn't the most fun way to die!  But when God said, "Nope, this is the way it has to be" (the Laura version of God's comment) Jesus didn't say, "Woohoo!  I get to die by slowly suffocating to death, and if that doesn't work fast enough, I get my legs broken!"  No, Jesus agreed to do what God wanted, and then He went and did it.  All God asked for was Jesus to be willing to complete the task set before Him with a willing heart.

And I don't think a willing heart always has to be necessarily joyful about things.  Jesus knew that what He was about to do would not be pleasant, but afterwards there would be much rejoicing, both in Heaven and on Earth.  So He did what God wanted.

Just like this whole homeschooling thing.  I'm willing to do what God says, and I will do it to the best of my ability.  But I don't have to like what He's called me to.  Trust me, when we struggled with infertility, I wasn't like, "Yay me, God!  Thanks for giving us such frustration!"  You deal with it by leaning on God.  I'll homeschool by leaning on God.  I'm sure that as we get into this, and we start seeing the way that our daughter (sounds weird doesn't it, but that's what she will be to us) is learning and gaining confidence and growing in her spiritual walk, I'll see just how important this is for her.  And it will all be worth it. 

But right now?  I'm not there yet.  I'm leaning on God, trusting Him that it will all work out the way He wants it to.  Hopefully, there's no crucifixion involved...  :o)