"Coaching"

Submitted by laura on Wed, 07/01/2009 - 03:45
At John's work, they apparently have this system in place where you can "coach" someone that isn't doing something in a safe manner. Basically, it's their way of allowing their employees to police themselves and each other. And, if you're "coached" by someone, you're supposed to say "thank you" to basically avoid the issue going up the chain of command.

So as John is telling me about this, I'm thinking, "Hmmm...that's a really good idea." And then I started thinking about all the things that could be said and how the person would have to respond with "thank you" and it got really funny to me. I started laughing, and John, who is telling me about a very serious infraction somebody did at work, is looking at me like I have three heads or something.

Here are some scenarios I was thinking about:
  • Can you imagine if some lady had really bad PMS and was tired of talking to you? She could say to you, "Get the heck out of my face! You're annoying the crap out of me!" And you would have to respond with "thank you."
  • Or, there's a bald guy you want to mess with: "Your head is too shiny for me to be productive. You need to get a toupee." And the bald guy would have to say, "thank you."
  • Or, to the guy who won't wear a belt: "You need to pull your pants up. I'm tired of seeing your hairy butt crack." And the dude would have to say "thank you."

You could tell somebody to quit picking their nose in front of you or to stop eating beans for lunch because they're going to gas you out of there, and they'd have to say "thank you." I was cracking up at myself just thinking of all these instances. Heck, I'm cracking up just typing this! I know the system isn't for stuff like this, but still...it's pretty funny.

When I got done telling John all these great ideas, he looked at me and said, "Has anybody ever told you you're messed up?"

I looked at him and said, "Only you, sweetie. Only you."